Amish Dating And Relatioship Customs

Read this to clear your mind of a lot of misconceptions about the Amish and Mennonite communities especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Sure they may hold fast to their straight-lined faith but they too have to procreate and just like non-Amish communities, courting and “dating” feels just as good.

Like all communities, there are varying differences in Amish communities

Just like there are differences between other communities in the world, so too are there differences between Amish communities. These vary from how lenient they are with rules, how much contact is acceptable with the “English” (non-Amish) world, and especially dating customs.

While there are some courtship traditions among the Amish people that are universal throughout all communities, it’s important to note that each community also has its own set of traditions and rules for addressing what is allowed when two people start dating and courting each other.

If you’re a non-Amish and you want to get to know someone from an Amish community, it’ll serve you well to look into what their community thinks is appropriate when it comes to dating. Visit their community, get in touch with Church leaders, go where they’re going and eventually you’ll be able to begin integrating.

There are actually websites dedicated to the Amish movement but please note, if you decide to court an Amish or Mennonite, you’ll have to convert to their faith and this jump isn’t as easy as it sounds.

There’s actually a great resource for people who are Amish or want to meet someone who is here: http://www.amishcrush.com/

They say “love is blind”, but let’s move on because there’s a bit more to know.

The “Amish Sing”

Amish people are, by definition, a religious people. Their faith is of great importance and they observe it with nothing but respect. In fact, many happenings in their lives coincide with religious events and traditions from within the community, even courtship traditions. The most common tradition (universally across almost every single Amish community) is the weekly sing.

A sing is a gathering of Amish singles that happens after hours at the home they had spent the day at for Church. Once the parents are gone, the teenagers get together and sing upbeat Church music and spend time getting to know one another. This is seen as a sort of rite for adolescents, and in fact there are punishments for those who trespass into a sing. If someone underage tries to join a sing, they will (playfully) be made to drink warm cow milk before being kicked out.

After a night of singing and talking, if a boy is interested in a girl he will ask to walk or drive her home. If she agrees, they will go to her home where the girl will then invite the boy inside and prepare him a snack. They’ll talk for a few hours while eating (in privacy, since the rest of the family will be asleep) and when the night is over the boy will head home.

The reason why sings are such important events in the Amish community is because they provide adolescents with the chance to meet people in a social situation, which becomes very difficult to do in Amish society sometimes. Students are enrolled in school until eighth grade, but once school finishes it becomes increasingly difficult to meet someone of the opposite sex.

Even when in school most only have about thirty students and many of them are related. Sings therefore provide Amish singles with a chance to meet and get to know one another in a way that their daily lives don’t allow.

The no-so-common practice of bundling

Now this one is rare and only observed by very ultra-conservative churches, but it’s still in existence, so you just may meet someone from a community that practices it. Bundling, also known as bed courtship, it’s an old tradition that dates back to pre-colonial times where the couple (or courtship partners) will go to the home of the girl and get into bed fully clothed.

You can read more about bundling here: http://www.sacred-texts.com/ame/amish/am07.htm

There they will stay for hours or even the whole night talking without touching one another. Once the night is over (or they both feel it’s late enough) the boy will leave and that’ll be all.

While from the outside it definitely doesn’t seem like a normal courtship tradition, it was actually “invented” for some very simple reasons. Back when bundling was first practiced, there was no central heating and homes relied on fireplaces to stay warm. Likewise, furniture wasn’t nearly as comfortable as it is today, so the bed, with a mattress, blankets, and closeness to the fireplace, became a logical spot for couples to talk and spend time together.

Since there are still some Amish communities that do not use central heating and stick to fireplaces to keep themselves warm during the winter, you may very well meet someone from one of these communities and thereby have to go through bundling.

But at the same time, the vast majority of Amish societies think bundling is a condemnable act, so be aware of your surroundings before making any assumptions.

Yes there are relationship breakups too

Just like in the non-Amish society, dating can begin and end suddenly. There is no stigma against “dumping” someone and in fact, it isn’t seen in as bad a light as it is in the “English” world. Amish people are looking to start families and meet the one they will spend the rest of their lives with more-so than just someone to spend time with and have fun.

Marriages occur much earlier in Amish communities than in non-Amish ones so a relationship that isn’t working out will end very quickly, which is why many of these dating traditions exist to let couples get to know one another very quickly. If you’re looking for a deep relationship, the Amish community is a great place to look.